Where to start? Well, I won't start at the beginning, that would take much too long to tell! Instead, perhaps a little background about who I am. Maybe that will put a little perspective on my journey with Christ.
I live in a city of 1 million souls. Calgary, AB to be exact. I'm 43 years old, I married (and I'm still married too!) my high school sweetheart, and together we have 4 beautiful children. Two of our kids have moved on to make their own lives in the world, and 2 are still at home finishing up high school and thinking of what to do with their lives.
As most middle aged men do, I have been evaluating my life, where I have been, and where I am going with the last (God Willing!) half of my life. Lets just say, my introspection left a lot to be desired. I found myself unhappy with certain things, mostly in the realm of why I am here, what am I doing, and really, where am I going, especially after I die.
I had said the words in the past, you know, the ones you repeat with some well meaning Christian, the words you say to invite Christ into your heart. The words that make you feel whole, fulfilled, your life transformed and you live happily ever after. What a lie! All around me I saw examples of Christians who had it all. Wonderful obedient children, nice clothing, good cars and homes. Sure, at the time, I wanted that! Who wouldn't, especially when your living in a rented home, driving a 15 yr old junk car that you managed to fix up enough to get your family from a to b. Living on a strict budget, and never having the little extras that seem to make life fun. Being a Christian, I supposed, was supposed to do that for me and my family!
A funny thing happened tho, after I said those words. Nothing. In fact, worse. I was laid off from my job, so we had to depend on welfare. I managed to work, but at minimum wage, how do you support 4 souls? What about church? Well, we went every week. I listened to the sermons, I went to the bible studies. We even met a wonderful couple, young and poor like us. Through it all, I don't think there was any spiritual growth. My heart didn't change. I read the bible, but didn't understand it. I prayed, but never got an answer. As months grew into years in the church, we really found ourselves still outsiders. Not to say that the church didn't give to us. We received some groceries. Had some counselling by the Pastor. Some of the elders were kind to us, but yet, there was still that gulf that left us feeling like outsiders.
We didn't give up however, until one day before service, our children were playing with a number of other young children in the gym, a common occurrence. There was some large mobile platforms leaning on the walls, and usually, these platforms were locked so they couldn't move, but this one Sunday, one was left unlocked. My son was standing beside this platform, while some other children had climbed onto the platform. The thing fell over, right on to my son, and he was injured, suffering a cracked pelvis. He had to be rushed to the hospital, undergo surgery, and it was a really traumatic thing to go through! Through it all tho, we never thought to be angry at the Church about it. I know people are not perfect. Someone forgot the lock, and my son got hurt. We waited afterwards, for days in fact, to hear something from the Church. Finally, the Pastor showed up at the hospital, but before we could really say anything, he told us that he had been advised not to say anything to us about the incident, for fear of a lawsuit against them!
Well, you could imagine our surprise at the reaction! Here we were, members of the church, for years in fact, and after a very serious injury to our child in the church during Sunday service no less, and we get no help. No visits from church members. No offers of aid, and let me tell you we needed it! Being on welfare, we had to cut everything so that we could afford the gas to drive to the hospital every day! Our son was in the hospital for months, and nothing. Just a visit from the Pastor, and that was that! I was so angry with the response from them, I sued them, just to fulfill the prophecy they had anticipate. Had they acted like Christians, we would have followed the example.
That really blew it for us, when it came to religion. I mean, where was the love? Where was the non-judgemental treatment of your brothers in Christ? I'm not an idiot, I got at least that much from the Bible! These church members were doing a very poor job of living as an example to Christ, like Christians are commanded to in the New Testament!
So, we swore off church as a result. We just could not find a church that was not full of hypocrites and liars! I stopped reading the bible, and eventually, I even began to call myself an Atheist.
So that brings me back to my start of this letter. Being an Atheist sucks! I mean, you think about it. Is the time we have here on earth all there is? We are born, live and die, all in a blink of an eye, and nothing to show for it? Is fulfilling our own desires the goal of life? If that is the purpose, let me tell you I have been doing a poor job in the fulfillment department! I always want more. The latest, the shiniest. I would by something and feel terribly guilty about it after! How is that supposed to make me happy?
I want to live after I die! Not only that, I want my life here to count for something. How many of you can name your great great grandparents? How about great grandparents? Hmm. not many, I would guess! If your chances of being remember by your own family are slim, what does that say about your time here?
So, that brings me back to Christ! This time it is different. When I recently repeated the words I said so many years ago, I wanted something different. Not a shiny car. Not even peace and love. Not even to have the God sized hole in my heart filled. I wanted to live after I die, and I wanted to live in Heaven. The Bible teaches us that the only way to get in Heaven is by having Faith that Christ died for us, to pay for our sin. I have accepted that as fact, and now my journey is beginning.
Please comment, I appreciate all of your input, Christian, Muslim, Jewish whatever. I would love to hear form you!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment